St. Engelbert Of Cologne Nov. 7

St. Engelbert Of Cologne Nov. 7

by: traditionalcatholicpriest.com

408px-ReliquienbuesteEngelbertvonKoeln

“St. Engelbert of Cologne was Archbishop of that city (1216-1225); b. at Berg, about 1185; d. near Schwelm, 7 November, 1225. His father was Engelbert, Count of Berg, his mother, Margaret, daughter of the Count of Gelderland. He studied at the cathedral school of Cologne and while still a boy was, according to an abuse of that time, made provost of the churches of St. George and St. Severin at Cologne, and of St. Mary’s at Aachen. In 1199 he was elected provost of the cathedral at Cologne. He led a worldly life and in the conflict between Archbishops Adolf and Bruno sided with his cousin Adolf, and waged war for him. He was in consequence excommunicated by the pope together with his cousin and deposed in 1206. After his submission he was reinstated in 1208 and, to atone for his sin, joined the crusade against the Albigenses in 1212. On 29 Feb., 1216, the chapter of the cathedral elected him archbishop by a unanimous vote. In appearance he was tall and handsome. He possessed a penetrating mind and keen discernment, was kind and condescending and loved justice and peace, but he was also ambitious and self willed. His archiepiscopal see had passed through sever struggles and suffered heavily, and he worked strenuously to repair the damage and to restore order. He took care of its possessions and revenues and was on that account compelled to resort to arms. He defeated the Duke of Limburg and the Count of Cleves and defended against them also the countship of Berg, which he had inherited in 1218 on the death of his brother. He restrained the impetuous citizens of Cologne, broke the stubbornness of the nobility, and erected strongholds for the defence of his territories. He did not spare even his own relations when guilty. In this way he gained the universal veneration of his people and increased the number of his vassals from year to year. Although in exterior bearing a sovereign rather than a bishop, for which he was blamed by pious persons, he did not disregard his duties to the Church, but strove to uplift the religious life of his people. The mendicant orders which had been founded shortly before his accession, settled in cologne during his administration, the Franciscans in 1219, the Dominicans in 1221. He was well disposed towards the monasteries and insisted on strict religious observance in them. Ecclesiastical affairs were regulated in provincial synods. Blameless in his own life, he was a friend of the clergy and a helper of the poor.

In the affairs of the empire Engelbert exerted a strong influence. Emperor Frederick II, who had taken up his residence permanently in Sicily, gave Germany to his son, Henry VII, then still a minor, and in 1221 appointed Engelbert guardian of the king and administrator of the empire. When the young king reached the age of twelve he was crowned at Aachen, 8 May, 122, by Engelbert, who loved him as his own son and honoured him as his sovereign. He watched over the king’s education and governed the empire in his name, careful above all to secure peace both within and without the realm. At the Diet of Nordhausen (24 Sept., 1223) he made an important treaty with Denmark; in the rupture between England and France he sided with England and broke off relations with France. The poet Walther von der Vogelweide extols him as “Master of sovereigns”, and “True guardian of the king, thy exalted traits do honour to our emperor; chancellor whose like has never been”.

520px-Solingen_-_Schloss_Burg_-_Engelbert_01_iesSt. Engelbert’s devotion to duty, and his obedience to the pope and to the emperor were eventually the cause of his ruin. Many of the nobility feared rather than loved him, and he was obliged to surround himself with a body-guard. The greatest danger threatened him from among his relations. His cousin, count Frederick of Isenberg, the secular administrator for the nuns of Essen, had grievously oppressed that abbey. Honorius III and the emperor urged Engelbert to protect the nuns in their rights. Frederick wished to forestall the archbishop, and his wife incited him to murder. Even his two brothers, the Bishops of M¸nster and Osnabr¸ck, were suspected as privy to the matter. Engelbert was warned, commended himself to the protection of Divine Providence, and amid tears made a confession of his whole life to the Bishop of Minden. On 7 Nov., 1225, as he was journeying from Soest to Schwelm to consecrate a church, he was attacked on a dark evening by Frederick and his associates in a narrow defile, was wounded in the thigh, torn from his horse and killed. His body was covered with forty-seven wounds. It was placed on a dung-cart and brought to cologne on the fourth day. King Henry wept bitterly over the remains, put the murderer under the ban of the empire, and saw him broken on the wheel a year later at Cologne. He died contrite, having acknowledged and confessed his guilt. His associates also perished miserably within a short time. The crime, moreover, was disastrous for the German Empire, for the young king had now lost his best adviser and soon met a very sad fate, to the misfortune of his house and country.

Engelbert, by his martyrdom made amends for his human weaknesses. His body was placed in the old cathedral of Cologne, 24 Feb., 1226, by Cardinal Conrad von Urach. The latter also declared him a martyr; a formal canonization did not take place. In 1618 Archbishop Ferdinand ordered that his feast be celebrated on 7 November and solemnly raised his remains in 1622. In the martyrology Engelbert is commemorated on 7 Nov., as a martyr. A convent for nuns was erected at the place of his death. By order of Engelbert’s successor, Henry I, CÊsarius of Heisterbach, who possessed good information and a ready pen, wrote in 1226 the life of the saint in two books and added a third about his miracles.”  1914 Catholic Encyclopedia

Who Do You Want Watching You, “Big Brother” Or “Christ The King”

by: traditionalcatholicpriest.com

Before when communism was not popular in the United States, you would hear the saying that in Russia and China, “Big Brother” is watching you.  That meant that the communist government was spying and watching everything you did.  It is a lot like what is happening with our government collecting all our computer and cell phone information.

communism_doesn't_workAs we have gotten rid of obeying Christ The King’s laws; (Ten Commandments And The New Testament), we have to obey “Big Brother’s” laws.  Not too long ago the Ten Commandments were to some extent honored here in the United States.  There were real laws against using birth control, abortion and homosexual sex, (“sodomy laws”).  Now Big Brother and Big Sister (In the case of the mayor of Houston), are watching you if you go against the LGBT group or will not “marry” homosexual couples.  You are in trouble if you keep Christ the Kings laws.

ForGodandCountryJesus is God.  Jesus Created us.  Jesus died on the cross to redeem and save us from death and hell.  Jesus loves us infinitely more than “Big Brother and Big Sister”.

From Constantine till the Renaissance, Jesus Christ was King of the Roman Empire.  That is called Christendom.  God gives authority to popes who gave it to cardinals, bishops, abbesses, emperors, kings and queens.  The Catholic Church’s authority was respected and obeyed.  Popes, emperors and kings were obeyed.

christ-the-kingI will be the first to say that Christendom was never perfect.  There was all sorts of abuse of power and wealth by bad popes, cardinals, bishops, emperors, kings and queens (and everyone else).  Concupiscence, original sin, always wrecks things.  But that does not say that Christendom in itself is bad.  The evil is in the rulers and the people, not the power and legal system created by God.

800px-Carlow_Cathedral_St_Patrick_Preaching_to_the_Kings_2009_09_03Under Christendom, there were injustices and corruption.  There were unjust capital punishment and imprisonment.  But over all it was a very good way of enforcing God’s rules and governing and taking care of people.

You can criticize it all you want.  But that does not make you right.  Just look at the democratic government we have here in the United States.  There is corruption.  We pay enormous taxes to the government.  No one is happy with the Democrats or the Republicans.  Most people no longer vote because it is a sham.

Our government continues to do subversive military activity in many parts of the world.  We continue to fight a war in Iraq and Afghanistan.  It dictates to poor countries who need financial aid that they have to have abortions, birth control, condoms, and promote homosexuality in order to get finical help.

Under this democratic government and penal system, 2.3 million adults are in prison or jail, 4.8 million are on probation and another 7 million are under correctional supervision.  Is this good?  What is wrong with “Big Brother” (US Government)? Or little brother (the average citizen).

Under Christendom there was way fewer people incarcerated.

PFA89439No matter what you or I think.  God wants to be the boss and will be in the end.  He is honest, just, fair and loving.  I would rather have Him dictating my life than all these corrupt politicians.  And whether you like it or not, in the end, Christ the King will judge you and rule you at death.  Why not be subject to Him right now?

At this second in time I can do almost anything I want.  But eventually I will come before the “Judge”, The King, God.  Then He will have all the say.  Right now I can be rebellious against God’s rules, small or big.  But only for a short time.

José_Gil_de_Castro_isabel_portugalMost Catholics and people choose to disobey God’s rules in small or big ways.  But it always catches up with them someday.  It is like not paying a traffic ticket.  Eventually you will be caught and have to pay way more.  It is like smoking, eating too much, having sex before marriage, all this will have a lasting effect on you, sooner or later, and whether you like it or not.  I just talked with a woman who caught Herpes.  25 % of people in the USA have Herpes.  It is incurable.

All this has happened by kicking God’s rules out of government.  In HIs place we have put the “god MAN”.  We are in, God is out.  “It is my life, it is my body, and I will do with it what I want”.  No God, No interior peace.  Know God, Know interior peace.

To have Christendom like Jesus wants we need to:

  1. Acknowledge God as our King and totally obey Him and His laws.
  2. Be holy popes, cardinals, bishops, religious, priests, emperors, kings, queens, civic leaders, parents and children.
  3. Humbly obey God’s rules.
  4. Not be materialistic or put our treasures in this life, but in heaven.
  5. Be humble servants who serve rather than be served.
  6. Be transparent and totally honest.

If you want to obey Christ the King, you will be happier and will reign with Jesus for ever.  He is a humble loving King, only looking out for our good.  He wants to share His divine Kingship with all of us who love, trust and obey Him in this life.  We are so blessed to be traditional Catholics and to be working for the restoration of the Temporal Rule of Jesus Christ as King over Creation, the Catholic Church and all Governments.

Choose life

Why, are abortion mills called ‘planned parenthood. ‘Parenthood’, the state of being a mother or a father. Being the mother or father of a dead child I suppose. Abortion is wrong; it’s the killing of a precious life growing, developing inside of her/his mother. It’s not just murder it’s the murdering of you’re own child. If people say it is just a clump of cells, then why is it considered double homicide when a pregnant woman is killed? You know how people who think abortion is okay, call a baby in the mother’s womb a fetus? Well a fetus means ‘an unborn human baby’. A BABY!!!! Yes that little life is still developing, but, out of the womb humans are still developing! Abortion, feminists take it as a ‘woman’s right’ (so sick of those two words), nonetheless if we are going to take it as that. What about the little baby girl in you’re womb doesn’t she get any rights!!! Margaret Sanger (the lady  who started ‘planned parenthood’) Said” The most merciful thing a large family can do to one of its infant members, is to kill it”. Do you know how sick this woman is! Abortion isn’t getting rid of a problem; it’s getting rid of a life. Think about it; this generation is actually killing their own offspring.  Some women say “My body my choice”. I’m sorry but most bodies don’t have two heartbeats………… Once someone has an abortion one of those heartbeats stops-forever. Never again to beat, never again to enjoy this life GOD has given us. All those little children over 50 million will be in heaven with Our FATHER.

Listen if you are considering abortion please please please! Don’t!!!! It will be a HUGE mistake think of the baby inside you. YOU’RE baby. Who GOD already has a plan for….. This little boy or girl is you’re child. Please don’t let the baby go. 

May GOD bless you all! Our Blessed MOTHER please pray for us. Queen of Mercy please pray for us. Queen of Purity please pray for us. Queen of the Angels please pray for us. Queen of the Saints please pray for us. Queen Of The Martyrs Please pray for us. Queen of help please pray for us. Queen of Heaven and Earth please pray for us. Queen of all please pray for us. MOTHER OF OUR DIVINE LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, please pray for us.

Pro-life Vs. Pro-Choice

Pro-life Vs. Pro-Choice

Life starts at the moment of conception. Maybe some people don’t believe that, or
maybe they just don’t care, when they choose to abort that life. Abortion is a horrible action and needs to be stopped! They say it’s the woman’s choice whether to abort her baby or not, well, it shouldn’t be; it’s her choice whether to get pregnant. But it should NOT be her choice to take a precious life, a baby’s beating heart, to take that child’s chance to live away forever—
It is ironic that abortion has been legalized in the United States, yet, our Declaration of
Independence states, “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are ‘Life’, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”—! And since the legalization of abortion in 1973, over 54 million unborn children have been killed, more than the entire population of Spain. That’s 1 baby every 20 seconds, and that’s a fact! Those children never got a chance to live! If an individual believes in pro-choice then consider this: what if your parents had chosen to abort you, you wouldn’t be here today, would you?
Many woman justify having an abortion by stating they are too young or lack the financial means to support a child. But there are many alternatives, one being adoption. Ultimately, many women abort a child for their own convenience. As Mother Teresa said, “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” In the end, there are no reasons or excuses for taking a child’s life.
The truth is, almost every woman who decides to abort her child regrets it. In addition, every woman who decides not to, never regrets it. Because when someone brings a precious life into this world, there is nothing more beautiful than that! I promise once a mother sees her newborn’s face she will not regret having that child! You can ask any mother you know and they will tell you the same.
Overall abortion is a awful action and shouldn’t be legal. A woman who is pregnant shouldn’t be able to kill her child!I hope this will help pro-choice people to see and understand the importance of life and stopping abortion. So please all who read this consider; GOD our Creator is the only one who holds life and death in His hand’s. Help save lives and stop abortion!!!

OUR BLESSED MOTHER HELP US TO END ABORTION!!!!

St. Joseph Of Cupertino, September 18

traditionalcatholicpriest.com
Posted on September 18, 2014
Joseph CupertinoThis Joseph was born, of godly parents, at Cupertino, a small village of the diocecese of Nardo, between Brindisi and Otranto, (six miles from the coast of the Gulf of Tarento, upon the 17th day of June,) in the year of Redemption 1603. The love of God came to him early, and he passed his childhood and youth in great guilelessness and harmlessness. After recovering by the help of the Virgin Mother of God from a long and painful sickness which he bore very quietly, he gave himself altogether to godliness and self-improvement. God called him inwardly to higher things, and to give himself more utterly to His service, he determined in himself to join the “Seraphic” Order. After divers failures and changes, he obtained his wish among the Friars of the convent of “La Grotella.” He went first as a lay-brother, on account of his ignorance of letters, but God was pleased to allow him afterwards to be taken among the choir brethren. After taking his solemn vows he was ordained Priest, and then set before him to aim at a more perfect life. To this end (as far as in him lay) he thrust from him all earthly affections and all carnal things, even to such as seem almost needful for life. He tormented his body with haircloth, scourging, spiked chains, and every kind of hardship and affliction. He fed his spirit sweetly upon the constant exercise of holy prayer, and gazing upon the highest matters. And so it came to pass that the love of God, which had been enkindled in his heart from his earliest years, burnt forth day by day more strangely and openly.

The chief outcome of this love of God was the strong and marvellous trances whereinto he oftentimes fell. It was, nevertheless, strange to observe that after he had entirely lost his senses he could be called out of the trance by the mere order of his superiors. To be utterly obedient was one of his chief aims, and he was used to say that those who ruled him could lead him about like a blind man, and that it was better to die than not to obey. He so imitated the poverty of the Seraphic Patriarch (St. Francis), that when he was at the point of death, when the Friars use to dispose of anything they have, he was able to tell his Superior that he had absolutely nothing. Thus bearing about in his body the dying of the Lord Jesus, the life also of Jesus was made manifest in his body. When he saw that certain persons had committed a foul sin of uncleanness, there came from him a strong savour, a proof of that snowy and glorious purity which, in spite of the most hideous temptations whereby the unclean spirit wrestled long to darken it, he kept undefiled, partly by an iron bridling of his senses, partly by the stern punishments he inflicted upon his own body, and partly by the extraordinary protection of the pure Virgin Mary, whom he was used to call his own Mother, whom he honoured and worshipped as his most tender Mother in his very heart of hearts, and whom he was eager that all men should honour, because, as he said, if we have her protection, every good thing comes with it.

This eagerness on the part of the blessed Joseph was but one outcome from his love for his neighbours. So great was his zeal for souls, that he vehemently sought in all ways for the salvation of all. When he saw his neighbour in any trouble, whether it were poverty or sickness or any other affliction, his tenderness went out toward him, and he helped him as well as he could. They who reviled, and slandered, and insulted himself were not cut off from his love. He was used to welcome such with great long-suffering, meekness, and cheerfulness of countenance and he preserved the same constantly amid many hardships and changes when he was sent hither and thither by command of the Superiors of his Order, and of the Holy Inquisition. People and princes alike marvelled at the exceeding holiness of his life, and the spiritual gifts poured upon him from above, but he was so lowly, that he sincerely held himself to be chief among sinners, and earnestly besought God to take away from him the more showy of His gifts. Of men he entreated that after his death they would cast his body somewhere where his memory might soonest perish. But God, Who exalteth them of low degree, glorified His servant during life with the gifts of heavenly wisdom, of prophecy, of discerning the hidden thoughts of the heart, of healing, and of other spiritual gifts in marvellous abundance, gave him a precious death, and made the place of his rest glorious. He fell asleep in Jesus upon the very day and at the very place foretold by himself, that is, at Osimo, (between Ancona and Loretto, upon the 18 th day of September,) in the 61st year of his own age, and in that of salvation 1663. He was famous for miracles even after his death, and Benedict XIV. enrolled his name among those of the Blessed, and Clement XIII. among those of the Saints. Clement XIV., being himself a member of the same Order, extended the use of the Office and Mass in memory of him to the whole Church. Roman Breviary Trent 1910

Life and death

Life and death

Love

 

GOD started this earth with life. HE made man caretaker of earth. Man is the most important thing GOD created life! Is! There is nothing more beautiful than life and nothing more sad than death most especially death of the soul. Abortion kills the innocent and strengthens evil. Abortion is never the answer- GOD has given you a life a precious life kicking inside you and hiccuping : ) GOD will not give you anything or anyone you can’t handle-mentally or physically you may think your unstable but there’s always another choice, I know it will be hard to tell your parents if your not married and pregnant. But ask them if they want you to have an abortion why didn’t they have an aboriton? Have they not enjoyed rasing a precious child, and not want you to expericance the same?

 

Life is never a regret there will be regrets in life but letting life live isn’t one of them. Can you not imagine the joy of raising your child not only for thisa life but strengthing their soul/souls for the next!!! Helping your child make it to Heaven. Killing the inoccent is not a woman’s right. Woman’s rights as GOD intended is to be a teahcer for her children a mother. Like our Blessed Mother raised JESUS. I’m tired of hearing abortion is a woman’s right. It’s not our right to kill babies no matter if there ours. What is this world coming to if we kill our own! I’m not judging anyone who has had an aboriton what’s done is done and no one can take it back but GOD, HE can forgive you if you ask! And if you don’t belive in GOD consider this` if there is no GOD why do we have morals and I’m not talking about cussing and what not. But stealing? Why is it illegal to steal or kill or cheat on even a test in school, where GOD is nnot spoken of, because!!! GOD IS REAL! And in the back of everyones hearts minds and souls we know this if we didn’t we wouldn’t have laws or rights or anythng keeping us from sin! This country was founded and said to be ‘One nation under GOD’. But if we forget we are one nation under GOD we will be one nation gone Under.~ Ronald Regean.

A few seconds of relief is not worth forever of pain anguish and regret of taking a life. Having an abortion, wont it make you feel empty? There is a soul a heart a life inside of you counting on support from you. This child needs you if you are pregannt and reading this hold your stomach feel your child and let GOD’S precious gift live!

GOD bless you and your child : )

JESUS=love

Children

Children are a gift from GOD. People are killing our generation. Abortion is spreading and it will not end well- GOD gives you the gift the chance to become a mother take it ^.^ sometimes children can be our only hope the innocence and sweetness of them is what we adore. Our Lady came to the three children in Fatima to give us hope

20140515-213517.jpg
Honer Our Lady. Pray the Holy Rosary everyday. For the abolishment of abortion and conversion of sinner.

May Our Blessed Mother &GOD bless you

Forgive

First, Happy Mothers day : ) to all you loving moms.
Women who have already had abortions, it is done, it was wrong but it is done. And you can’t take abortion back, but remember GOD will forgive you. Do not turn to drinkin and drugs in your time of grieving turn to God He will forgive you and help you. If you want to help then help, others, who are about to make the same horrible regretful choice. Here is a touching post from http://www.abort73.com a women who deeply regretted her aboprtion

At eighteen years old, I got pregnant. I had just gotten engaged a few weeks before and, although I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy, I was ready to be a responsible adult. My fiance’ felt differently. He pouted and cried and made it clear that if I didn’t have an abortion, I would ruin his life. We moved to a bigger apartment and I started making preparations to be parents. He moped and pleaded and threatened. When I was about 5 months along, he realized that abortion was just not gonna happen. He left me a few days before rent was due. I had no money. I had a job, but he’d taken the car, and besides I didn’t drive. I panicked. I had nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. I ended up leaving everything behind and moved across the country to live with my mostly estranged mother and gave birth to a beautiful red headed girl a few months later. I was scared, emotionally wounded, and flat broke.

Three years later, I found myself in a somewhat similar situation. Pregnant, only this time I was already a single mother, having reunited with, married, and divorced my daughter’s father. And the man that I was dating now was mentally unstable, violent, controlling, and used and sold drugs. There was no pouting or pleading. There was no choice, as is the case with over 60% of women who have had an abortion. He told me I was having an abortion and he made arrangements to borrow the money. He didn’t put a gun to my head, but had I resisted too much, I suppose there was a possibility of violence. He’d been violent with me before. Homicide is the leading killer of pregnant women. I made it clear to him that I did not want to have an abortion, but he talked me into it. And I didn’t want to be a single mother on welfare, whose two children have different fathers. That situation hit too close to home, as that’s how I grew up. I didn’t want to be forever linked to the horrible guy I was dating. Why was I dating him them……? I wish I could answer that.

His family was religious and tried to talk him out of it. I was not aware of that until much later. He borrowed the money from his newly saved brother, who was not happy about it, but my boyfriend had a way of manipulating people to do what he wanted. I know his brother carried some degree of guilt over it. Maybe he still does. I pray the Lord can touch his heart and heal him if that’s true. I did not go into the procedure lightly. I’m not that sort of woman. I was pro-choice. Or so I thought. I bought into the slogans and propaganda of women’s rights that abortion was a simple solution to a problem. I didn’t think too long or hard about WHAT I was aborting. I looked at it as simply a backspace button. I had long been a supporter of Planned Parenthood. I had trusted them with all of my “health care”. All of my yearly exams were done there. I received birth control from them. When I was pregnant the first time, I remember being really confused by the fact that they didn’t offer prenatal care for women choosing to keep their children. I thought, well why don’t you….. Now I know why. They aren’t about helping or celebrating women or about their rights. They aren’t about family or medicine. They are about one thing: ABORTION.

I looked for info about the procedure on their website, as I believed that they were a trusted medical source. It told me I would be given a sedative and may feel mild cramping. I made my appointment. They had two days in which they would be doing abortions that week, July 11th and 12th. July 12th was my 21st birthday. I scheduled for the day before. I remember my boyfriend and I walking in and the only sound coming from the TV. The receptionist was cold and procedural. I signed in and sat down in the middle “U” shaped section of chairs. To my left, was a young couple, huddled together and sobbing- she more than he. Across the room, on my right, was a hard looking woman in her late 30’s. She was wearing biker style clothes and had long brown roots before dyed blond hair. She was alone and not crying. She just stared hard at the floor with a tight face. I was called up. They asked if I had insurance. I said no. They then asked for $375, cash- no checks. I paid them and was asked to sit back down. More people trickled in, but I assumed the position of the lonely biker woman and just stared at the floor.

Later, we were called into a room where a short Hispanic woman asked me why I wanted an abortion. I told her it was for financial reasons. Then she asked Jon to leave. And asked if it was my own choice. I thought of yelling, “And just what are you gonna do if it isn’t???” Instead, I said yes and was sent out with some antibiotics and sedative to take. I was not told the names of these drugs or anything about them.

The drugs put me to sleep as I waited in the lobby to hear my name. When I did, I was led to a room, where I was weighed by a chipper, chubby girl with blonde curly hair. She wanted to chat with me like we were buddies and I wanted to punch her in the face. I was so utterly offended by her bubbly attitude, that I was in shock. But I was too high from the drug to do much other than mumble. I got undressed from the bottom down. I’ll never forget the green shorts and green short sleeved sweater I wore that day. The bubbly girl did an ultrasound that I was unable to view. Again confusion struck me. What are you looking at? What can you possibly be able to see with that? The abortionist was an older man. He did not introduce himself to me or speak to me at all. He walked to the end of the very small room. There were two women, nurses maybe, with him. One of them spoke to me, examined me, and told me when the machine would come on. There was no comfort in her voice, nor explanations, simply procedure.

There was no room for fear in my dazed state. I stared at the ceiling, at the lights, and then like lightening it hit me. “What am I doing? Oh my word, what the am I doing??” I turned toward my boyfriend, who sat to my left. I wonder what he witnessed and felt. We never spoke about it really. His head was down in his hands and he was sobbing like I’d never heard a man sob. He kept whispering, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He wasn’t talking to me. I can’t tell you how long it lasted. I’ve read it’s only about 10 or 15 minutes. It felt like hours. I was helped to redress and led to a room to recover. My boyfriend would be waiting in the lobby. The room was long with chairs against the walls, small tables between each chair. All the chairs faced a television that was playing Family Feud, how disgustingly ironic. I cannot watch that show, not that I was a fan. I can’t watch it and I can’t think about it, without feeling nauseous. I was told to eat a cookie, drink some juice, and after my bleeding was controlled I could leave. I wanted to throw the cookie and juice across the room. But more than anything I wanted to leave. So I complied. I feel like I stayed high from that drug for the next year. I was numb. Within two months of my abortion, I became pregnant again. I didn’t care. I felt nothing. I used marijuana throughout most of my pregnancy and didn’t seek prenatal care until I was well into my second trimester. My second daughter was born in June.

Shortly after she was born I felt a desire to attend church. I wasn’t sure why, but I suddenly felt my children should be raised with a Christian influence–an idea that previously repulsed me.

One afternoon, I was folding laundry and watching television, when a woman came on to talk about how she had survived an abortion. Her name was Gianna Jessen. She told her unbelievable story, but what struck me more than her story was the undeniable LIGHT in her eyes! Something about her BEAMED in a way I could not then explain. Toward the end of the interview, the host of the show asked Ms. Jessen what she thought of her birth mother, the one who had aborted her. Ms. Jessen declared, “I have forgiven her. She didn’t know what she was doing.” At that moment, I collapsed on the floor and gave my heart to Jesus. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Christ was speaking through the woman on TV and meant for me to hear those words at that moment.

While a real and whole transformation took place in my heart, some things and pains still lingered. My boyfriend and I were married and had another daughter, but our relationship was a mess. He now too, professed Christianity, but turned to drugs, pornography, and other infidelity. He did not take his role as provider and leader seriously and kept our family in squalor. We fought and had no trust for each other. I could not forgive him for the abortion, no matter how hard I tried. I found solace in another married man. Ultimately, our marriage ended. It was ugly and violent. Over the past, nearly eight years since my abortion, I have ridden many tides of sorrow and pain, guilt and shame. This year I participated in a Bible study directed at women suffering from a past abortion experience. I was able to grieve in a healthy way for my child, whom the Lord led me to name Vincent. I opened up to other women who understood, in an intimate way that I’d never thought I could. I feel liberated from the chains that Satan had on me. I have been healed now, by the power of Jesus Christ. And you can be too.

If you are pregnant and feel like you have no option other than abortion, you don’t need to go through it all alone. There IS help. Call 1-800-550-4900 for a confidential conversation with someone that cares about you and your baby and can direct you to the help you need. If you are suffering from a past abortion experience, male or female, a year ago, or thirty years ago, you don’t have to suffer anymore. Call 1-866-469-7326 and they’ll help you locate a post-abortive ministry in your area.

Age: 28
God bless

20140512-152714.jpg